Flashing

You used to be the gem of the ball
all the people who mattered can tell you
they remember your face
they took pictures of you, all around flashing lights
the memories they had of your beauty seemed so bright
love, you were the dame
that every man wanted to be flaunting
when their abstinence no longer remained
but the photographs they got you to autograph
are now becoming stained
they don't seem to recognize the wet spark inside of the old flame
you're losing your brain
soon headlining obituaries, but magazines will no longer feature your name
people suddenly aren't in to you and won't schedule an interview
cause something seems to to eating away at what was left sane
the closeups are getting dim
and 'Missed by All' will be the next caption that they place,
laced inside your frame
surrounding your old pictures
no one wants the new portraits
the feelings the crowd had now have become forfeit
it such a sad sight, seeing your photograph lapped with black roses
people frequent the funeral, hoping to strike poses
they were with you when you had it all
then they gracefully watched you fall
and tip toed around your pain
like rain against gravitational forces
why did you let them let yourself crash
and begin to rehash all of the photo flashes
except nowadays, all you get is the negatives
but I miss the old you
the you that no one really seems to remember
they just blew you full of smoke and pick away the embers
I miss the gem, that I cherished more than others
I miss talking like we used to, I miss you Grandmother.

Rock City

So I spent the majority of the day posturing around, picking up big ass blue travel luggage, eating sub par airport and fast food...food, and being terribly uncomfortable all in an effort to make it to the beautiful rock that is St. Thomas, the place my father calls home. As I went through the day, different thoughts about life somehow came about, the first being love, and what a relationship truly means. I usually cover up tons of my seemingly absent feelings and emotions, as most testosterone driven men (or people o be politically correct) do, but I suddenly craved my girlfriend to my surprise and dismay. Dismay may sound a little harsh to use in this instance, but its the context of my disappointment I want to convey, as when I don't see her for days, I miss her, but not as much as I did the instant I got on the first plane this morning, and mind you, I just saw her no less than 24 hours before. I also got the thinking on my ex, again. What the fuck. I notice so many things once they are behind me, like a shadow clipping on your heels once you turn the lights on. I treat her so unjust at times, but expect her to treat me with the up most awesomeness just because most of the blame falls on her when the subject of the dissolving of our love, or maybe just mine, comes to a conversation. I really appreciate her, but resent her with the up most passion, just like I resent having to drive on the effing left side of the bloody street every time I visit St. Thomas. I don't now what exactly it is, but I feel as if I am wasting my time here, yet seeing my grandmother slowly become more and more delusional its making me happy I can see her at least one more time...yet I wish I didn't have to be subjected to the fact. On the same token, my father's cousin has passed within hours of us visiting this rock, reminding me that time is of the up most essence. I utterly understand the value of this trip, of this time, but am I wrong to be weary of spending it? This thought process is going nowhere, just like me for the next week and a half. Life, the subservient slave of time. I wish I could blow it quicker than a New York Minute. Maybe.